Holding the Unwieldy - an insight into Quintimacy’s educative and kink practice spaces - for practitioners*

Holding the Unwieldy will be a chance to hear Beck share insights into Quintimacy's approach to exploring and holding space for the unwieldy thing that is Kink and BDSM. The session is aimed at professionals and practitioners of many kinds, including event organisers, therapists, bodyworkers, and sex/intimacy educators. Attendees will discover how we support, hold and accompany other queer and trans people in exploring previously unmapped territory in an experiential, somatic, accessible and digestible way, and at their own pace. We will consider where the concepts of safety and risk come into this from a kink-informed and kink-competent perspective.

What will the session cover?

In this 2.5 hour Zoom session, you will gain an insight into what we do in practice at a Level 2 Quintimacy event. We will cover the ideological and theoretical reasoning for doing so, acknowledging the social and political context in which these events take place. Attendees will be given opportunities to explore how they might adopt and adapt these ideas and practices for their own events and workshops, and/or apply the information to make measured decisions about the events that are right for you and your queer and trans inclusive clients/audience.

The session will consider and discuss questions such as;

• How do we manage to create the conditions for incredible hotness, fun, pleasure and arousal whilst delivering serious and structured consent and safety messages?

• How do we deliver experiential, somatic sex and kink education specifically to queer and trans folk?

• How do we deal with issues like risk assessment and safety around controversial kinks and edgy practices?

• What goes into the design and the curation of the content, and what are its ideological underpinnings?

• What are the legal and reputational implications of doing this work?

• What are the ethical considerations?

• What does Quintimacy have in place to clearly frame and define the event?

• How is it different from ‘mainstream’ kink events/kink education and spaces?

• How do we ensure we generate a trauma-informed ethos and practice around challenging ideas and activities?

• How do we practice a model of harm reduction around kink/BDSM?

• What communication and consent models are we modelling and teaching?

• What do we need to consider around consent models for kink? What is different?

• How do we use the Wheel of Consent (WoC) for Kink?

• How does leaning into the ‘Taking’ quadrant (WoC) come into play at a Level 2, and how does that change the role of the facilitator and participants in bodywork/kink demos?

• What are the ‘7 Principles’ that form our group agreement, which Beck asks all attendees to agree to?

• What are Kink Demos, why do we do them, and what is the process that goes into negotiating them? How do we ensure they are both authentic and in service to the learning of the group?

• What do we allow and not allow at our Level 2 and 3 events?

• Why is kissing more controversial than fisting?

• How do we do queer intimacy that includes kink through the lenses of Consent and Safety, Gender and Sexuality and Neurodivergence and Disability?

There will be structured opportunities (Q&A) to ask questions that are relevant to your particular setting and work.

There will be an opportunity to join Breakout rooms to talk about your responses to the material with other professionals and practitioners.

Ticket holders will receive a detailed email with supplementary links and information relevant to Quintimacy’s Level 2 and 3 events.

Please note; Beck delivers Quintimacy events with a range of co-facilitators who are also kink competent counsellors, somatic practitioners and Certified Sexological Bodyworkers, and also learns formally and informally from the global and local kink community. The input and ideas of these colleagues will also be present in the materials, and attributed so you can also benefit from their work.

This session is for:

• Organisers of intimacy and kink-related events who want to think about how they handle and hold anything to do with kink in their offerings on the intersections of Consent and Safety, Gender and Sexuality and Neurodivergence and Disability.

• Counsellors, therapists, coaches and sexuality practitioners who wish to know more about Quintimacy events with a view to recommending it to clients.

• Sexuality practitioners, sex and kink educators and bodyworkers who want to improve the access and inclusivity of their work and to expand to be more fully inclusive of LGBTQ and queer and trans attendees.

• Practitioners and professionals of any and all gender and sexualities are welcome.

Background

For many years many of Beck’s clients were already talking about kink in their sessions. Kinky queer and trans folk have always attended Quintimacy workshops, utilising the learning to enhance their kink lives and dynamics. But this was somewhat quiet and under the radar; at a glance at Quintimacy appeared ‘vanilla’, a queer Certified Sexological Bodyworker delivering Somatic Sex Education and sensual pleasure activism.

Then, in 2021, Quintimacy actively and publicly ventured into the realm of kink and BDSM for the first time. Beck started the monthly Kink Online calls aimed at peer learning and support around kink, and added in Edgeplay and Taboo Kink online calls for those who were interested in a space to discuss more advanced and edgy play.

Inevitably, the idea of a Quintimacy Level 2 event was born - using Level 1 as a firm foundation and exploring playing with power, stronger sensation and the erotic selves and mind. The first Level 2 event took place in 2022 and the second in October 2024 (with one on sale for October 2025)

And now, Beck has their hands full planning the very first Quintimacy’s Playground - a private workshop and play party! That will have taken place by the time this session is held.

Like Quintimacy Level 1 events, our attendees have a lot to say about their personal and erotic development and what changes in their desires and fantasies, and in their relationships with themselves and others, after an experience at Level 2 workshops. Their repeat attendance speaks for itself.

“My appetite for other kink events has been whetted since attending the Level 2 workshop. But I love how things are done at Quintimacy! I know what I will get - the safety, the holding, and having all the workshops as a shared foundation. I don’t want anything different for myself now”. Feedback after Level 2 event, 2024

“This was revolutionary! It was so powerful to see that kink can be both extreme AND gentle, that a dom can be badass AND caring, that play can be really hot AND tender. It was such a privilege to watch, and again, I appreciate both participants so much, it's a real gift.” Feedback after Level 2 event, 2023

“A Quintimacy Play Party is a fantastic idea. Quintimacy and the regular attendees and community that has developed over the years, makes such a fertile and well prepared ground for a more freestyle queer and trans play space. I am so excited you are creating this and I will 100% be there!” - survey respondent, 2024

Recording

The teaching parts of the session will be recorded and made available to attendees and ticket holders within a few days, and will be available for 2 weeks after they are received. All voices, names and faces other than Beck’s will be edited out of recordings.

This is a rich and informative standalone session. It can also lead to other opportunities, such as...

- One-to-one mentoring sessions with Beck, exploring your specific kink inclusive workshop/offering and how you can enhance it and build your confidence in your space/event.

- Further online workshops and group sessions focussing on a specific area of practice, e.g. trans centredness or creating a nervous system friendly, trauma-informed space in which to practice playing with power, stronger sensation and the erotic selves/mind.

- Further online workshops for particular kinds of practitioners (e.g. queer/trans organisers of sexuality/intimacy related events or people who want to be, or allies to LGBTQ+ people who want to shape their kink inclusive offerings to be more embracing and affirmative).

Cost

Standard ticket - £50

Subsidised ticket - £26

Supporters ticket - £68

Most practitioners/professionals should pay the STANDARD ticket, so please look at this first and consider if you can afford to pay this. If you are on a low income/marginalised in various ways or currently unwaged and unable to afford the Standard ticket, you are welcome to purchase a SUBSIDISED ticket (limited tickets available). The SUPPORTERS ticket is for people who can afford to pay more and want to support what Quintimacy is doing. On any ticket tier you have the option of adding an extra amount to support. Thankyou for paying what you can to help make Quintimacy sustainable.

Cancellations

Cancellations 7 days before event - a full refund (minus all booking fees) will be offered.

Cancellations less than 3 days before event - I regret no refunds can be given. In exceptional circumstances, I may be able to transfer your ticket cost onto a future event. If you cannot attend, you have access to the recording for 2 weeks.

Unfortunately, no refunds can be offered once the event has started, if you decide to leave for any reason, or in the unlikely case we ask someone to leave because of safety/behaviour etc.

Any refunds are done via BACS (bank transfer) and we would require your bank details to complete this.

Confidentiality

Given that this is a CPD event for practitioners and professionals of various kinds, it is likely that most people will be comfortable with a level of openness about their attendance. However, the content of what people share about their own lived experiences, their own stories about events they have attended, and their own personal and professional challenges may be of a sensitive nature. Please be mindful of not sharing other group member’s material outside of this call in any way that will identify them.

Facilitator

Beck Eli Thom (they/them), of Quintimacy/Somatic Sex Educator, will be holding the Zoom call and presenting the material.

Beck is a Somatic Sex Educator and Certified Sexological Bodyworker who engages in a range of Kink education through the UK and European Kink/BDSM community. They are experienced in delivering online and in-person workshops for queer and trans people around embodiment, sex and pleasure and kink/BDSM and D/s. They work in a trauma-informed, consent-based way and aim to create spaces where together we develop enough safety and trust for intimate and transformative work to happen. Beck is a registered member of Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers and is insured.

Beck will be supported by Erin (he/him) who will be doing admin and tech to support the call.