Haggis Pakora (with Dhol drum)

Dhol drum complements Haggis Pakora: a Scottish-Pakistani Muslim musical comedian with mushy HeartSeekh kebab filling and a crusty eczema coat. The filling rips the coat when family rejects his exes, and arranged dates reject his Halal:Haram ratio. After 7 years of trial and terror, this harami salami is no closer to marriage than divorcing from his prescription creams.

Accompanying him on this three-course food fusion menu are keema’n’aloo (mince ’n’ tatties with spicy skin) and brown pudding (black pudding with diabetes). This well-balanced meal covers five stages of identity grief: Denial that he can have his halal cake and top it with Parmigiano Reggiano; Anger at double-life disasters; Bargaining with barbers and matchmakers; Depression from home and dating dampness; and Acceptance that, like Brexit did with UK borders, he can take back control of his parental boundaries with a Good Friday Jummah prayer routine. Looks like beats back on the menu, Bhai!

West End New Act 2025 audience award winner, and Musical Comedy Awards 2026 shortlist. Split bills at Camden Fringe 2024 (Thirty Shades of Brown) and Glasgow International Comedy Festival 2025 (De(ar)ranged Dating). This show is the full meal, fresh from his Edinburgh Fringe 2026 run.